It’s a shame it took a serial snarkist to ask the most pertinent question of this whole Great Recession. Want more?
I’m asking because conservatives in fancy suits keep telling me—okay, screaming at me—about how fundamentally sound their ideas are, and how the private sector, not the government, is our best and greatest hope for making the economy leap back to life…
We’ve been in a recession since December of 2007. Why aren’t things all better yet for ordinary Americans? You were so awesome at the mess, but cleaning up the pile of poopies you left on the nation’s living room rug seems to be proving a bit more, um, problematic. Why?
You’ve got an army of giant, throbbing brains in your right-wing think tanks working day and night. The Heritage Foundation has never been wrong…just ask ‘em! And the U.S. Chamber of Commerce never misses an opportunity to proclaim their infallibility in multimillion-dollar ad campaigns. So…why are we still in Sucksville?
And don’t try and hide behind the fact that there’s a Democrat in the White House. He’s been shoveling money into your coffers faster than Sarah Palin shoveling bullshit through Twitter.
Fix the damn economy on Main Street already, you Ayn Rand-worshipping free-market capitalist wizards. Show us how it’s done. Be the heroes we’ve been holding out for. I’ll check back on your progress in 30 days. I expect Americans to be squatting over solid gold commodes by then. That’s how much I believe in you.
They can’t, of course, because their version of the mythical “Free Market” isn’t designed to help the little person. It’s always been designed to make the rich filthy rich. It’s always been designed to screw the little person over. But they’re damn fine questions. And I know Billy will check back in 30 days.